life is wonderful and grand even though it can be so cruel and harsh.
i worked very hard at being good and not vengeful or mean to those that have done wrong to me. and i was right it pays off. i had almost lost faith in humanity after the last 2 1/2 years of torture that my x had put me through. sometimes i felt i couldnt face tomorrow for my pain was so great and all consuming. after he took my kids i had no purpose no reason for breathing but the thought of leaving my children without a mother was much more terrifying than the pain i endured daily.
i kept believing that somehow someway god had to make things right. even though many days came and went and i cursed him, screamed and yelled how could he turn his back on me and my babies. i'd wake up in the night (i still do) crying for my children and it hurts but within the next 2 weeks they will be with me. i couldnt see his plan through all my pain. no matter how i tried to understand i just couldnt. i couldnt fathom what i had done to deserve the evil doings of my x and his parents. people i had never harmed nor hurt. people that i loved and just wanted to make them proud of me. people that wanted to rub me out of my childrens life. didnt they see that they were only doing harm to themselves in the long run. the children started to loathe them long before they were ripped from me. and there i was the never ending fount of forgiveness telling the boys people make mistakes and we forgive. trying to repair the inevitable damage that they were causing.
as hard as it was i just kept thinking it cant end this way. karma has to come full circle.
at last it has. my x is going to prison for sure (he just couldnt stop the drinking and driving) he's facing 10 years (aggrivated dui's). i get my kids back and i got my house and i have this new life growing inside me that i already love and cherish.
the father of the baby had a car accident and has passed. its truly sad for his family. and i wish them all the peace they deserve, but god has a plan even if we cant see it when we are hurting.
to all of you out there going through hard and painful times it will get better. the more good you do for others is key. even when you have nothing you have love, and time to share with someone who needs it. thats the only thing that i found peace in. the desire to help others even when i had nothing i shared whatever i had. and sometime its nothing more than giving away the watch you are wearing to the little girl in the line in front of you that declares how much she likes your skirt. or having a favorite pair of earrings and a friend asking to buy them from you and you give them to her (not for money)but for the simple reason it made her happy. i learned along time ago that material possessions are only that and favorite things come and go but the happiness you bestowed apon a person will stay with you a life time. and that is worth so much more than an $11000 21 jewel swiss watch that you exchange to an underprivileged 15 yr old for a research paper about the watch. i knew when i gave him that watch that i was giving money up (but i only paid $4 for it) and knowing that this kid who had nothing was going to wear that watch to school the next day and for once he was going to feel the confidence that every child should feel every single day. i felt great about that decision after all he worked for it. he went home researched the history of it, wrote up a paper and presented it to me in lieu of payment. what a fine trade that was.
im getting carried away but my point being no matter how little you have you always have enough to give. take it from me ive had everything, lost it all and even though im not monetarily rich im the wealthiest person i know. and im grateful.
have a wonderful evening
